Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
