guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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