No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
