He is an equal opportunity slut.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
