I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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