my mouth tastes like poor choices
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
