Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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