you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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