The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
