this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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