At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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