the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
