You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize