I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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