If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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