I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
