Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
