Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize