He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
