he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
