i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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