And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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