Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
