so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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