We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
