Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
