i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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