I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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