I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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