Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
