WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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