You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
