"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
