I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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