do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We need to get me chipped asap
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
