So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
