If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
