There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
