i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
