i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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