the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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