this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
