Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
