and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
