Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i think i just lost a toe
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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