you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
