i don't like sucking hair
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize