is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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