You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
