There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
