I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
