i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
