1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize