apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
