What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
