There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
