It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
