Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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