we're chasing vodka with high fives
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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