thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
