Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
