tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
