you will always have a special place in my vag
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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