oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
