I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm just crazy horny about you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
