I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
