My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You are a booty call, not a friend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize