And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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