go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
