he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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