I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Your cock deserves a montage
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
