Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
