Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
