my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do herpes really smell.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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