I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
