They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
