I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
