i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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