if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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