2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
