My hand turned me down
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
