i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
wow bdsm is so cute
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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