who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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