I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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