Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
did i walk over a car last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
