I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my being single is dangerous.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
