In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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