New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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