Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize